Alone
by nico229
Summary: Time for something new.


During her lifetime Natasha Romanoff had had her moments of feeling alone. She could really pinpoint them if she allowed herself the indulgence in self-pity long enough. The first time she had felt alone was the first memory she truly had from being an orphan in Russia. The second time she had felt alone she had been training in the Red Room program for years, though in time she had learned to create some uneasy and possibly deadly alliance with the two frenemies she had in the Red Room: Melina and Yelena.

Nat had continued to feel alone even after she and Clint had first met in Budapest. Sure he was a gentleman and he had made a different choice, however Nat knew that she would've pulled the trigger if things were reversed.

When she had initially joined the Avengers initiative on an assignment of evaluating Tony's Stark potential she had been intrigued. The man had a particular charisma Natasha had only encountered once before and she had yet to recover from.

When Loki had attacked Earth and had been taken into custody she had almost laughed at him. He was so certain that Barton would be the best way of destroying her. If only he'd known the truth. Her heart had been buried in a cryo chamber a long time before that. When you've already gone through the worst living nightmare your mind can conjure up for you… when you continued to do so on a daily basis the fear stopped controlling you.

Nat had felt alone once more as she fought Barton on the lower decks of the Shield hellicarrier. She knew that he was under mind control and she wowed to herself to help him through it. It wasn't so much something she'd do for Barton as it was a promise she kept in the back of her head while thinking about him.

Dr. Banner caught her attention for a brief moment when Nat questioned her own integrity and dedication to her mission. There was something so comforting and familiar in the duality of the man and the Hulk, still when the Hulk disappeared after they had defeated Ultron Nat had taken a step back to reflect on what she wanted to do with her life.

Nat had never more alone than in that brief moment when all the Avengers had gone over to Clint's house into hiding. Seeing all of them in there trying to contain another planetary level threat while simultaneously trying to keep everything away from Clint's family had taken its toll on Nat.

To make matters worse during that particular assignment Wanda Maximoff had managed to get inside Nat's mind deep enough into making her remember things she wished had remained buried inside her forever.

Truly she had never felt more alone than the moment she had been drugged and had had to watch the man she loved be taken away from her and put to sleep. She had spent years thinking that he was dead before one of the Red Room's handlers had revealed the truth to her. He wasn't dead per se, he was asleep going through a process that would enable Hydra to keep him under control. When he would wake up he would remember her no more.

At first Natasha had been reluctant to believe this. She had been in such a denial that when she realized that he was the one targeting her client in Osaka. Her disbelief had cost her deeply and had James remembered her at that moment he would have ripped her a new one for letting her guard down to the point of being shot.

To make matters worse the scenario had repeated when she had stepped in to help save Steve's life when the Winter Soldier was sent after him while Hydra revealed its head to the world once more. Releasing the files regarding Hydra and the red room's activities to the world had been a risk that even Nick Fury had been reluctant to take.

And yet Nat knew that is she didn't James would have no chance of ever finding a path of redemption. Her path had started with Clint making a call and stepping in to help her, now she was the one making a call to help James. It was for that precise moment that she had given Steve all the information one could have found written about James. For the most precious intel was still hidden in her own web of safe houses.

Steve had been so grateful to have a start point into finding Bucky that he had not found the time to ask her anything about her own involvement with him in the process. Following the hearing in Washington Nat had decided to take some time off. She needed to be away from everything. She needed a clear head now that everything that she knew and relied on had gone crumbling to the ground. Her legs carried her out of the Avengers' tower and into the parking lot where she kept her bike.

Climbing on her bike she started the engine making her way toward the closest safe house she had in the Washington area. She needed new papers, money and even ammo as she was certain that the remaining Hydra operatives would not allow her to just disappear despite the best efforts.

When she arrived at the safe house she parked her bike inside the garage making her way through the back door directly inside the house. She stopped herself short when she came face to face with a pair of confused blue eyes. She quickly grabbed her gun pointing it at him before she noticed his state. Ty vyglyadish', kak poyezd udaril tebya*." Steve had not been kidding when he had mentioned his old friend had taken quite a few injuries while they fought on the Hellicarier. "Tak chto zhe nam teper' delat'? Vy vse yeshche pytayetes' menya ubit'**?"

-"I don't want to kill you?" He seemed confused studying her in a way that threw her off guard. "I came here because I needed a safe place to stay while I figure out what to do with my life and for some reason this place popped up in my mind." He made a move to remove his gun from his holster while Nat's hand tightened on the gun. "Could you please put that away? If I wanted to hurt you I'd have shot you the moment I heard your bike park inside the garage."

-"You first". Nat watched him with unease eyes as he removed his weapons. "Knife in your boot as well" she narwed her eyes at him as she continued "please".

He casually finished removing his weapons looking at her. A guarded look appeared in his eyes before he gestured for her to do the same. Nat simply shrugged and placed her own gun on a small table near the door. "Tell me something 'Talia". His old nickname for her surprised Nat, "how long did you think it would take me to make my way back to you?"

-"Depends on the reason why you wanted to make your way back to me." Nat took a small step back as she felt a different type of tension appearing in the room. James' eyes were now clouded in a way she knew it lead only to clothes being ripped off fast.

-"At first I thought it was because I needed to be safe." He advanced towards her while she took another step back towards the stairs. "But being here I remembered you. I remembered what I lost. I remembered what we had. I remembered that I still have something to do, a mission to fulfill".

-"What mission?" They continued their dance, she kept retreating backwards while he continued to move forward.

-"The one where I take you to bed and I make sure that you never again feel alone, "malen'kiy pauk***".

*You look as if a train hit you

**So now what? Are you still trying to kill me?

*** Little spider


End file.
